Corporate Execs Detained

Preface: Last week when confronted with the news of the mass arrests of undocumented workers in
Mississippi and subsequent separation of families in the process; I was appalled at the double
standard of “justice” in our nation. Pundits flooded the airways with support for one side or the other.
Most of it sounded like BS to me. 

I struggled to formulate a response that properly magnified the absurdity of the situation. However, an
idea came to me late one evening last week. Below is a satirical news article I wrote that attempts to
highlight how unjust and unproductive raids like last week’s are in curbing illegal immigration. 

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Nearly 700 Corporate Executives Detained in Landmark Immigration Raid 

-Mike Walsh 

Sobbing, eleven year old Madeline Wynne spoke to the camera. “I need my Dad… he’s not a criminal!” 

Madeline’s father was arrested along with nearly 700 other corporate executives charged with

employing undocumented workers. The raids were conducted throughout the state at several corporate
headquarters. It is the largest single raid of its kind in history. 

It caused mass confusion because it coincided with the first day of school. Many executives traditionally

come into work late that day so they can be part of that special day with their children. ICE was
prepared. When Madeline’s father, Michael, parked his Lexus in his designated parking spot around
10am with Starbucks in hand, ICE was there waiting for him. 

The raids were originally planned for earlier in the summer but though inside informants ICE learned

that many of the executives were vacationing with their families. ICE has no jurisdiction in the French
Riviera or the Greek Isles so the operation was postponed. 

When school let out nannies and au pair’s were at a loss for words. They didn’t know how to tell the

children that they may not see their parents this evening. Leah Wynne, Madeline’s sister was extremely
upset. She lamented that the family was supposed to see Hamilton tonight and now she wasn't sure
if they would still be able to go. Hamilton, she mentioned, “is her favorite musical.” 

Undocumented worker Juan Perez defended Mr. Wynne and other executives. “We need executives

like Mr. Wynne,” he said. “He just wants the best for his kids, just like the rest of us.” “He doesn’t have
a choice but to hire undocumented workers like me and pay us less to boost his bottom line. If he
doesn’t do it the competition will and then he’s out of a job. Even worse if every company has to pay
their workers a living wage all these jobs will be shipped overseas. I can’t blame him for doing what
he had to do. Our country needs people like him.” 

On the other hand, Senator O’Hara publicly praised the raids. “Plain and simple” she said, “these

people broke the law. They knew when they hired undocumented workers that it was against the law,
but they did it anyway. This is a country of laws and these laws must be upheld.”

Meanwhile back at the Wynne estate the children wait to hear if they will make it Hamilton tonight.

Nate the youngest screams out as the family’s heirloom cuckoo clock chimes out another hour,
“it’s not fair! Daddy said we could get ice cream after and everything!”