I killed Adam Toledo

I killed Adam Toledo. Maybe after a little reflection, you will confess that you did, too? 

Media outlets will tell you that a Chicago Police Officer killed Adam Toledo. However, I paid for the bullet that entered his chest. The officer may have fired the gun, by my votes and my tax dollars authorized and trained him to use it. 

That officer patrols the streets at night while I sleep safe and sound in my bed. “Shots fired” ring through the static of his radio and he responds, running down an alley after a man carrying a gun. He does that for me. Why? So I can sleep safely and soundly. I pay him to do that. If you live in Chicago, you do, too.  

But you know what else helps me sleep safely and soundly? Blaming the death of Adam Toledo on that same officer. That’s what it’s all about right? Me sleeping safely and soundly. 

Tonight I’ll pay someone else to watch over “my” city while I sleep. Meanwhile Adam Toledo is dead, the officer that fired the shot wishes he was, and I’ll sleep safely and soundly. 

In the bars, garages, and basements on the edges of this city, where Blue Lives Matter flags wave on front porches, a different scapegoat will rock people to sleep tonight.

It’s a clear cut argument rooted in historical circumstance. “What was a thirteen year old kid doing in an alley with a gun at 2:30 in the morning? Where were his parents?”

I hate to admit it folks, but I’m to blame here, too. I know it’s easier to blame Adam, his family, and his neighborhood. However, my actions created the situation that left Adam dead in an alley with the bullet I bought lodged in his chest.   

I’ve known my whole life that neighborhood’s like Adam’s are unsafe. I know that I’m not supposed to go there at night, and that if I have to drive though there during the day, I’d better roll up my windows and lock the doors. I learned this when I was a kid. Chances are, you did too. Not only did I do nothing about this imminent danger towards children, but my housing choices have contributed toward pushing families like Adam’s out of “up and coming” neighborhoods and into ones that are plagued with poverty and violence.

I chose where I live. Did Adam? 

Speaking of choices. If you live in the suburbs are you off the hook for this? Are you proud of “your” city? Do you benefit from its economic bounty? Do you show off the Bean and the Mag Mile to out of town friends and family? Do you take in a show or visit a museum when it pleases you? 

Now look back at that paragraph. Did I accuse you of anything? No. I just asked questions. If you're feeling guilty that’s because you are. Just like me. 

Speaking of guilt. You know what else I’m guilty of? Exploiting the city's education system. Both my wife and I have masters degrees and professional jobs. I paid full price for quality early childhood education. Bamn! Guess what? My kids are gifted! This means they get to be part of the “options” program in Chicago Public Schools. 

My kids don’t have to go to their neighborhood school like Adam did. They get the best teachers, the best programs, and they are surrounded by the “best” kids, just-like-them.      

I know that participating in this program takes resources away from schools like Adam’s. I know that my kids had an unfair advantage over kids like Adam at accessing the “options” program. I know all of these things, but I did it anyway. 

My housing and educational choices put Adam in that alley and the bullet in his chest. 

This is the crime of the century. What makes it so bad is that I walk free. Not once, with Adam. This is not my first offence nor will it be my last. My offences don’t even start or stop with people of color killed by the police on my behalf. People of color are killed everyday by the very circumstances that I have created. 

I am not naive. I know that there are no easy solutions to the problems that my crimes have created. However, I also know that there are no solutions whatsoever if I continue to deny my crimes and look for easy scapegoats. 

At times like these, people like me go frantic, searching for solutions to problems we deny we’ve caused. We are quick to assign blame to one side or another and wash our hands of the whole mess.

We want to talk about solutions but cannot talk honestly about solutions until we are honest about our role in the problems. 

So these are my choices, and maybe they are yours, too?   

I could blame the Chicago Police Officer who fired the shot and sleep safely and soundly tonight. 

 

I could blame Adam, his family, and his neighborhood for criminal activity and sleep safely and soundly tonight. 

 

Or

I could acknowledge my role in the failings of my city and toss and turn my way towards solutions. 

Sweet dreams, Chicago.